while i wait.....

I'm waiting for my Ryan Adams CD to finish downloading.
I'm exhausted from working.....my brain feels like jello inside my head,
i wanna hop a flight to chicago, boston, nyc, LA....anywhere....i wanna get away for a few days.
I wanna relax by an ocean, or be pampered at a spa.

Listening to a Ryan Adam's song tonight made me scold myself for not being more patient in my love life,
for rushing things....for wanting to bring things to myself instead of letting them come.
"I've got a really good heart, I just can't catch a break..."
which I feel is so true. I just can't catch a break......to which a friend as so helpfully reminded me that the breaks i do catch are never the ones i want. So from now on, I'm going to try and be more open to all the break i catch. Now don't get me wrong....sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, or the attraction just isn't there...but i'm usually so quick to write someone off...this time i'm going to try to give people i normally wouldnt a chance, and those that i give too many chances to a pink slip to walk. (and if you think i'm talking about you, then i probably am).

On Thursday i'm going through my myspace and doing a cleanse, I just feel like it's time to purge it of some unnecessary people. I was really disappointed with some of the people..i felt like they should have been better. Maybe my standards are too high.....but I don't feel like i should lower them. I want what i feel like i deserve...no less. So there are several people gettin the boot as of Thursday. "La Cienega just smiled, 'See you around...' "

I just downloaded Ryan Adams CD Gold. I owned it probably 7 years ago and lost it. And I heard 2 songs from it today on our satelite radio at work and i knew I had to have it agian. It's still his topped ranked album on letssingit.com. It has sooooo many amazing songs on it....he's such an incredible song writer. His music never ceases to amazing and touch in some way. If you've never listened to anything by him you should definetly refer to that CD and try out "LA CIENEGA JUST SMILED" "HARDER NOW THAT IT'S OVER" or "SYLVIA PLATH". Even though if you get the chance you should do the whole CD.

so my song for the day is "Harder Now That It's Over"-Ryan Adams


goodnight.
'

here we go again...

I always start one of these and then update them like twice...and forget I have one.
but i'll try to keep this one more up to date..
I'm right in the middle of an eight day straight work week.....I feel like it's all i've done for the past two weeks is train for this job. I haven't really seen any of my friends. I know it feels like i've kinda abandoned them...which I haven't....but i basically get up go to work come home and sleep...and since i haven't had a paycheck in almost 3 weeks i've been stretching my funds to make ends meet.
I dont feel a little more put out by guys everyday. I finally start to see why certain people just say fuck it and dont date or fall for anyone...and would rather be by themselves than even try anything with anyone else. People can be cruel and horrible. I would rather be alone than throw myself to the wolves again and again. I don't think it's too much to ask to want a decent person who does't expect me to support them financially and has goals and wants to do something with their lives. or maybe these days it is. who knows. I just know that everyday it gets a little harder to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.....


my song for the night...
"Like Knives"
City and Colour